Monday, July 28, 2014

Dating: How It's REALLY done. (Or how it ought to be done)

I have written and re-written this blog post a thousand times. So now… you get such a good come back post, you'll be wondering why I ever left this online journaling bidness.

WAIT FOR IT…..

"Actors I Would Date" is the real title of this post. 
*Note: I tried to put only smiley pictures on purpose. Because. 



I mean, can we even? The only reason he's not closer to number 1 on the list is because he doesn't fit my standard dating age range. Seeing as he's 11 years older than I am, I generally wouldn't even consider him. BUT HE'S JAMES MCAVOY. I make exceptions. Everyone has their exception, right? Here are 4 more… Whoops.

21. JJ Field
Scrumptious.

20. Matthew Goode

Clearly he just tooted. Come on Matthew, keep it together.

19. Gael Garcia Bernal

I just know he would be good at whispering sweet spanish nothings in my ear.

18. Ryan Gosling

Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool.

17. Justin Timberlake

You're just too much J.T. (And yet, not enough? Too much is never enough.)


Yes? YES. I mean, I don't even really know why he's famous but golly, those crinkle eyes get me. He's in this particular spot because he had this unfortunate photo:

This picture makes you question some things. Like whether those necklaces weigh a ton or not.


Dear old Miguelito is here mainly because he was on the Disney Channel Wonder-show, "Sky High". Classy stuff right there. Brings me back to 2008 when I was just learning how to appreciate things like "Sharknado" and "Troll"*.

14. Joe Jonas 

Joe, Joe, Joe. You have made mistakes, but then haven't we all? I thought it was fitting to place Joey near his fellow Disney star. And guys, those eyebrows! I go through phases of what I find attractive in men and right now it's all about the eyebrows. A few months ago it was noses (I still love Adrien Brody. I will die loving dear Mr. Brody).


Young and Beautiful. And team, he was on Hannah Montana. He was a part of the show that brought "Sweet Niblets" into my daily vocabulary. That demands some respect. He's my McDreamy, he's my McFlurry. Okay… he's not really ice cream.



WHOOPS. I meant this guy:


He's kinda young, but I figure this balances out all the old guys I listed under #20. 


You probably don't recognize this one, but only because his co-star (in 17 Again) was Zac Efron and when Zac is in the room, it's like no one else is. He, like Matt Lauria (below), is a smiley actor and I can't get enough. I just can't get enough. 

10. Zac Efron

The only question here is whether we like '17 Again' Zac or 'High School Musical' Zac better. Let's go for ol' pit hair himself, shown above. What a man. Joking not joking. 


Accents. Overrated, I know, but I'm a sucker. This is as long as I'm willing to let his hair get and still call him attractive though. Any longer and he looks like Keanu Reeves.


His older brother just has too many muscles for me. That's not even sarcasm. They legitimately freak me out. Biceps? NO THANK YOU. I'll have eyebrows please.

Just looks like the nicest dude ever. Google search images of this fine specimen and you'll get a way higher percentage of smiley photos than most other actors. He probably should move up higher on the list but his 'talent factor' rating is not a strong contender. Ug. That's not true. I just moved him up to 7 instead of 16. 


He's scrawny but endearing. I fell in love with him in Nicholas Nickleby. He was the only redemption for the film. His acting makes me have so many feelings and emotions that he's pretty high on the list. 


Freckles for DAYZZZZ. And he was in Les Mis. Good movie, such an amazing and life-changing book. And when I say life-changing, I really stand behind that. He's no Jean Val Jean but it's as though you know he will be later in his life. And looking at his freckles makes me feel better about mine. Okay, mine are way more like moles but that sounds disgusting. So they are freckles for now. Once I turn 50 I'll call them moles. 



His last name is Friend so he must be grand. He's in so many stinkin' period movies that most women have fallen in love with him multiple times. Young Victoria is my go to period piece. The music is so good, look it up. But here's a picture to satisfy you for a bit:




Even Stevens, Holes, Eagle Eye, Disturbia… Need I say more? Clearly Shia belongs beyond the earlier bunch of Disney actors. Talent factor brings him way up in the ranks. But, like Ben Barnes, Shia looks nasty with long hair. I just feel like men with long hair probably never shower. I just don't trust their hygiene.


OOOOHHH YEAH. Puppy dog eyebrows. Wonderful and magnificent acting. And he brought us 'Angels in the Outfield'.  Plus a thousand other beautiful things. PLEASE DATE ME. Right? Right. 



ME? I'm number 1? I, Andrew Garfield? I'm so flabbergasted! 

Yes Andrew. You are number 1. You fit my prime dating age and you fit my prime talent factor portion of the rankings as well. Not to mention you're dating one of the only women near my age in Hollywood that I respect. Watch some of the love here:
Andrew, all I can say is that you better not let me down. Keep being a good human and I will keep hoping we can get married. It sounds fair to me. 


So, did I forget anyone? Is there someone else I should consider to join the ranks of actors I would date? 

So far this list makes me happy. Any list with Andrew at number 1 makes me happy. Also… HIS EYEBROWS. So classy. So refined. So Andrew.


*Side note: I have not actually seen "Troll". I'm too afraid I'll secretly love it. 
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